Not Just a Pet

Dogs lived in the hills behind our house in Doghead, Fort Chipewyan, Alberta.  I don’t recall them ever being allowed in the house, even in the -30C degrees in the dead of a northern Alberta winter.  The best analogy I can give of our team of dogs is that they were employees.  Work dogs.  Sled dogs.  Dogs were essential aspect of the Denesuline since the mid 1850’s; they packed food and were used as transportation.  Our dogs, in exchange for their loyal work, were well cared for. They were all very healthy, and by all accounts, very happy dogs. 

The distinct smell of certain type of dog food transports me to our little kitchen watching as my dad stirred a big pot of dog food on top the wood burning stove.  The only dog I remember playing with was Curly.  She was the breeder and had special privileges like not being tied up in the hills. I have very fond memories of her and how special she was to our family. We also had another domestic dog, which my big sister brought home from the mission one summer.  

   

I never thought I would own a big breed dog, certainly, not one that would share the house.  Since we no longer required dogs to haul our stuff and transport us what was their job in today’s society, I mused.  Their purpose, I soon realized was a surprise that was literally a breakthrough in how I relate to dogs now.

 

When our son was two he wanted a dog. Hubby and I discussed the possibility of having a dog.  I was adamant that if we got a big dog, this dog would have to live outside.  I’m sure he must have thought I was crazy.  Hubby held his ground and said, if we got a dog he would live in the house. This called for an extensive research on breeds and I read up on many different breeds. Finally we settled on a standard poodle.  I liked the fact that standard poodles don’t shed and are known for their intelligence, but more importantly they are also known to live with children without aggression.

 

Bodhi 2 months old and Andrew 2 years old

We fell in love with Bodhi (Bodhisattva) immediately.  He was a two-month fluffy ball of energy when we picked him up.  

His energy just increased as he got older. In our area, I was known as the lady with the bouncing poodle.  He was so excited and loved to bounce up and down, sometimes backwards.

Bodhi has an amazing personality with powers to make the most apprehensive person feel safe with him. Everyone who met him, fell in love with him.  He was smart too. Once when he was younger, he took his stuff toy and placed it on our son’s bed.  Then he took Andrew’s teddy bear and placed it on his matt.  I would never imagine that he could think of exchanging toys with Andrew.  And of course, his “work” in the family is to make people feel happy, comfortable, and safe.  He does his job extremely well. 

Which is why what he went through in December was difficult to watch.  On July 6, 2012 he turned 12.  Early in December I noticed Bodhi being unsteady on his feet and a weakness and slow movements navigating stairs.  I took him to our local vet.  He basically said he is getting old and this was expected in older dogs.  He sold me new food that is supposed to help.  Bodhi loved the new food. 

Then about two weeks later, after coming in from outside, Bodhi appeared unsteady on his feet again.  Then just as suddenly he had no control over his front limbs. Every time he tried to stand he fell back down. As you can imagine witnessing this was so scary.  

Thankfully, both hubby and I were home at the time. Hubby was on a conference call with clients, and he immediately said, “Something is wrong with our dog. I got to go.”  We wasted no time taking him to the vet.  After an x-ray and blood test didn’t reveal anything, we decided to take him to the Animal Hospital for further test. After a battery of test, he was diagnosed with a compressed disc that was pinching his nerve and cut off blood to his front limbs. Evidently this is common in big dogs, and is sometimes called disc herniation. 

We were so impressed with the Alta Vista Animal Hospital. Straight away he was assigned a neurologist.  Within a few hours, he had a MRI, surgery, and was in recovery.  Private Medicare at work for our four-legged patient got two thumbs up from us.  I am please to write that Bodhi is getting back to his old self and continues to get stronger daily. 

Bodhi 2012

This experience revealed that Bodhi is part of our family in the real sense, we feared for him.  As we took care of him in his recovery, it was clearer to me that he is connect to us on a very deep level and his life is just as precious to us as our own.  I now can relate to people who think of their pets as their “children”.  Indeed, the transition from “work” dog to integration into being a true family member surprised me as I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions with the prospect of losing him.  I know that when the time comes we will make whatever decision to be respectful and in honor of Bodhi.  

He is and always will be our Bodhisattva!  

Update: May 24, 2013 Bodhi left our world @6:35 pm.  He will live forever in our hearts.  Bodhi you were the very best and we love you dearly.  We were all with him, even my brother Rossi, when he transitioned to the next phase of his journey.  <3 i="" nbsp="">

   

Respect and Honor

I like to pretend that people live forever because the alternative is too cruel to embrace. The truth is that I must face reality and that reality is of my mortality and that of all living beings.  The only thing I can do is to seize it tightly, letting the emotions surface and accept the tears as they flow freely.  One of my brothers said to me after I heard about my other brother’s death earlier this month: “We are born, live, and die, alone.”  It only took me a second to understand what he meant.

We experience life independently from others.  Our perspective is shaped by our brief time on this earth.  No two experiences are the same, even if we experience the event with someone.

 

The news of my brother’s passing literally stopped my breath.  My reality crumbled and shattered into tiny pieces.  I had no control. The immense pressure was too strong to ignore; I could physically feel my world disappearing. At the moment I caught my breath and the realization sunk in that my life would continue without my brother, Billy, and my life was forever changed. The next few days I was in a daze as I began to go through the motions of saying good bye to Billy. 

The family went into immediate action, taking care of the million things that need to be done.  This process and all the activities I understand now are designed to reinforce the acceptance of death.  Picking the grave plot. Preparing the wake.  Praying, praying, praying so hard.  Scheduling the church service.  Identifying someone to do the eulogy, the reading of verse, singing and drumming.  Finally, as the body is slowly leaving the church, drums beating rhythmically in step as we said our final farewell, mingled with tears and sobs.  Knowing that this is final, small bursts of emotion ripple throughout the mourners.  The end. Gone forever.  All that remains is what is in our heart and memory, souvenirs to be safeguarded.   

For me, this entire practice reinforced the value of tradition.  Why we do certain things and the manner in which we do them.  Why it is important to do everything with respect and honour.  I now understand there is a dual purpose for undertaking certain rituals.  It is for the recently departed and for those left grieving.

I believe it is important that everyone affected by the death ought to take an active part in these rituals.  Not only by attending the wake and funeral but by contributing, either by helping out in the preparation of the space where the body will lay during the wake, or cleaning up, setting up the chairs. Even something as little as perhaps serving tea and coffee to the family as they mourn is helpful. 

Furthermore the significance of food preparation has to be contemplated. Why do we do this? Preparing food for the wake and feast is an honour.  It does not have to be elaborate, only that it be done keeping in mind this is the last meal you will offer the deceased. In my Dene culture, the drumming, prayers, and food are all meant to help the transition into the spirit world. 

It is clear that actively participating in the process helps the living accept the recent death. Not only that but it unites the people grieving.  In the doing, we know that everything we are doing for the loved one, who passed, is to assist in their continued journey into the spirit world.   As we do, we contemplate our relationship with them, we remember stories, and we say good-bye. Someone suggested we arrange the chairs in a circle, and we went clockwise as each one of us told stories of their relationship with Billy.  Some were funny stories, and it was nice to think about him in shared laugher.  Billy was an ironic man, and enjoyed playing jokes on people.  He wear a big smile and glint in his eye that always served to lighten my day no matter what he was going through. 

I feel like these mourning rituals are essential.  And to be part of this is a spiritual ritual is an enormous honour.  it is important that the younger generation learn the traditions.  To learn the meaning behind these rituals, the prayers, the songs, and the preparation of food are all part of the ceremony.  We owe it our loved ones and to ourselves to ensure that they are given a respectful wake and funeral. 

1951-2012

God Speed my dear brother Billy. 

Life Choices

A beautiful young woman

I am extremely sad.

 

I normally blog about the lighter side of my life, but today I need to express my frustration, my anger, and my deep sadness. I  am an emotional roller coaster of emotion the last few days, and I am a wreck. 

A couple of days ago my niece was admitted to hospital.  Overnight her condition worsened and she was placed into the intensive care unit (ICU).  Late into the evening the next day she was flown to the University Hospital in Edmonton after her condition continued to deteriorate to the point that she required life support. It didn’t need to be this way.

She is in her thirties.

 

She is a mother.

She is a wonderful person with a bright smile and a kind heart.

She is an alcoholic. 

My frustration stems from feeling helpless. My anger is from wishing she had made better choices, and my sadness, is acknowledging that she is powerless against the disease, which is alcoholism.  This is a disease that is preventable. And it only makes life look hopeless.  

Alcoholism has plagued my family for as long as I can remember.  The difficulty for me is watching while my family wage their personal battles with alcoholism . The battle is sometimes won, but not always.  The battle continues as they fall victim to it again and again.  It is one day-at-a-time practice and the goal being to never give up on sobriety because there is always hope and a new beginning. There is always another day, never give up. 

There must be so much pain. When did all the pain begin? Was it because of residential schools? Was it the loss of our indigenous language and traditional lifestyle? Is it intergenerational trauma? Did it escalate after we tried to mask the pain, which created more pain? Did it have to do with racism? Low self-esteem? When will it end?  

I admit that I don’t understand it.  I don’t appreciate what it's like to walk in their shoes. I don’t know what it feels like to crave that drink in spite of what it means and how it will impact us and the people we love most.

What I do know is that it's not a fight you take on alone.  The truth is people are hurting and in pain. A pain that is hidden behind smiles and laughter.  A supportive loving and compassionate system is the only chance to win this battle. It takes a community.  Family.  Friends.  People who can help you face the difficult truth.  

Most importantly you must love unconditionally.  And by that I mean you need to demonstrate your love not by encouraging them to join in the “party” thinking that after "a few" you'll not be hurting anyone.  But rather by being there for them when they are sober.  Being there for them when they are weak.  Being there to listen. And being there to say the hard truth while letting them know that their life holds value. 

In happier times!

My niece is fighting for her life.  She is demonstrating with her life the very real possibility where this lifestyle could take you.  If, she makes it through, she is going to need support because she can never have another drop of alcohol for the rest of her life.  Which on the whole is not a bad thing.  If she doesn't make it, this will be a terrible tragedy and a huge loss for our family. 

Still, either way, if you have this problem, I challenge you to make a commitment to her that you won’t follow her into the lifestyle that had her in her prime end up in the hospital fighting for her life.  If you can do that, perhaps her tragedy will not have been in vain. The cycle of alcohol and drug abuse, including prescription drugs, must end. 

Follow Up April 3, 2012

I am pleased to write that she is living a great life without alcohol.  Life is not easy, but without alcohol she has one less complication. Newly engaged, and enjoying everyday, feeling blessed, and is making the best  of her second chance in life. She has two beautiful grandchildren.  Living life and helping out with her mom who has dementia.

When you see her, give her a hug and let her know she is loved.

Friday's What the Heck / Where has the Summer Gone

Here we are, already it’s August 3rd with only 32 days before school year begins for some of our children. 

In Ottawa the weather thus far is amazing… if, that is, you’re not a plant or an animal who enjoys this hot draught weather. In all things there should be balance. But the weather has been extremely hot and dry. Yup, beginning in June the temperature has barely dipped below the 25 Celsius and coupled with below levels of rain made this one of the hottest summers ever.  In fact, Ottawa has had a drought level 2 for most of the summer.  I’ve never seen the Ottawa River this low before.

The pool covered with cement dust!

For me, the frustrating part of this summer has been waiting for the pool repairs to be completed.  

The target date for completion was by hubby's birthday in mid June.  As I write this post, the concrete having been poured yesterday, the men are doing something out there, not sure what, other than making a lot of noise with a saw and spewing clouds of fine dust everywhere, including into the pool (not sure why they didn't cover the pool). How long is it going to take to clean the pool, I wonder as the layers of dust settle on the pool surface.  

Friday before another long weekend and we are without a swimming pool, and once again, the weather is expected to be hot. In fact, according to our national paper, Ottawa public health issued a heat warning as the forecast called for humidex levels of above 40 Celsius on Saturday and Sunday. Whew! 

On the bright side, can't wait for next week when the pool will finally be done, leaving us with the balance of summer and perhaps even the fall of pool time.  

Meanwhile, thankfully, we do have air-conditioning!

And a river!

And, I bought a new vehicle! Now, hubby can have his car back. And I must say hubby gives it two thumbs up. That means a lot  because, he, of course, has great taste in cars. You can read about his car here. 

my new ride!

A Range Rover, Evoque is a dream car. But I didn't buy the special edition Victoria Beckham one!  Still, I am stoked and immediately it called for a road trip. So, off I drove with Andrew to Montreal, where he was taking a two-week summer course.

Simply the best cake!

Montreal is fantastic!  On our first evening there we ordered in from room service and Andrew had the best chocolate cake ever. Of course, in the following days he  had compared other chocolate cakes from around Montreal, but nothing measured up to this one. 

I enjoy the friendly people, the scenery, and going to all the places we went to last summer. My favorite, place was “Café Smoothie” in Pointe Claire.  Each day after Andrew was done for the day we would slowly drive along the beautiful lake to Cafe Smoothie. He would have a mango smoothie, and I, would have fresh carrot and apple juice.  It was yummy,  but I think I'm turning a shade of orange. LoL!

Andrew got into reading the Hunger Games while we were in Montreal.  After he completed reading chapters, we would listen to the audio book up to the point he had read, in the car (a good reason to drive around in my Evoque!). Admittedly, finding any excuse to drive around was not too difficult.

I think the reason summer appears to go faster than any other season is because we do different things in the summer.  We change our routine. We do things we enjoy, like hanging out and visiting with people, sleeping in, and this summer watching the Summer Olympics.  The energy of the olympians is so inspiring! 

Taking my time by being present, savoring each and every delicious moment.   My app for meditation is insight timer, which lets me know I'm not meditating alone. The design of the app is  insightful providing information on who is meditating with me world-wide.  No matter what time I meditate, I know I'm not alone.  It also keeps stats of my meditation times, and allows me to journal my sessions. I love this app!  

I hope you are all enjoying your summer too! 

Pool Recreation

Pool under construction!

When we returned from in NYC the first week of July of this year, I thought that we would be experiencing more temperate weather.  However, the heat wave has not diminished one iota.    Each time we step outside away from the air conditioner, it feels like we are walking into a hot oven.  This heat is suffocating me.  

I can’t imagine how people who have difficulty-breathing, and with asthma cope with this blistering heat. 

Friday’s What the Heck! Be Spontaneous!

A boat ride is perfect on a hot day

Out of the blue my big sister, Mary, called and said she was coming to visit. Really??? I said, with a note of skepticism.  Who could blame me, after all her last visit was over twelve years ago.  I’ll be there this week, she added.  Right on, email me your time of arrival and I’ll pick you up at the airport, I said cheerfully.  Oh my, I was so excited, but then again I didn’t want to get my hopes up!

The day before she was scheduled to arrive I still wouldn't let myself believe she would be coming.  That night she called and said “I’ll be there at 6 pm tomorrow”.  Whoa!!! She was actually going to visit us!!! I had to get my butt in gear and clean my house, even though my housecleaner had just cleaned.  I quickly realized that I would be cleaning all night.  Therefore I called my back-up-cleaner (see why here) who, lucky for me, was available the next day.   I also, had to call my handyman to do a few things around the house, touch ups and stuff.  I changed the light bulbs and wash all the towels so they were all soft and fresh. There was a flurry of things to be done before picking her up at the airport.  I took the day off from work, and although I wasn't planning to take my holidays, yet, I decided to take time off for her visit.

Then she called to say she missed her first flight.  What??? I spoke to her that morning hours before her flight and she was packed and almost out the door.  What happened, I asked?  Apparently, she decided at the last minute to grab a muffin and didn’t hear the final call.  They called three times but she didn’t hear and the plane left without her after they removed her bag.  And, all I could think of was, YES!  That muffin may have cost her $150 in change fees. But, missing her plane gave me a few more hours to prepare for her visit.  Everything was perfect when she arrived, I think.

My son, Andrew had an appointment in Montreal.  He suggests we go to New York from Montreal.  It is only a short drive, he says, and we all know Andrew loves NYC.  What the heck I thought, this would be a wonderful experience since my sister had never been there.  And besides the pool still was not completed. Hubby went on line and made reservations for us at the New York Helmsley Hotel. It is closer than where we stayed before which is across the Brooklyn Bridge at the Marriott Hotel.  I suggest hubby fly down to meet us Friday night after work (some of us can’t just take time off!)  He agreed. Now to find a place for our dog, Bohdi, on a long weekend, which we did!  He was excited to stay at Tails andTrails Country Pet Resort.

The Fort William Henry Hotel

We decided to take our time driving and stopped over night at Lake George, a picturesque lakeside resort.  We stayed at a lovely hotel, The Fort William Henry Hotel.  There is much history in lake George and we enjoyed a lovely evening there. The next day in the parking lot we met a guy who is a ghost guide who said that there are several ghost in and around the hotel.  Thankfully, we were leaving, yikes.

Mary, first night in NYC @Osteria Laguna!

I really got to appreciate the in car GPS, which made driving in NYC a snap. We arrived in time for dinner, which we had at Osteria Laguna Restaurant directly across the street from our hotel.  You know what it's like when you first arrive at a place you're excited about, everything taste amazing. Osteria didn't disappoint.  My insalata caprese was simply delicious!
  

New York from Empire State Building!

Of course, we tried to do all the tourist stuff we could in the three days we were there, and had a wonderful exciting time.   However, nothing made me more excited as when we found a place that made fresh green juice and smoothies on Lexington, which is just around the corner from our hotel.  I so missed my fresh juices. Score!!!  We also, went to Hell's Kitchen flea Market  where I bought a lovely zen singing bowl. Yeah! 

Porgy and Bess

It was difficult, but we even managed to get some tickets on Broadway to the Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess, which was playing at the Richard Rodgers Theatre.  Andrew wanted to see Harvey, but we couldn't get reasonable tickets.  With only a limited time, it was too bad we missed it because andrew is a fan of Jim Parson from The Big Bang Theory. 

The only complaint, if I could have one, would be  that we decided to visit NYC in the middle of a heat wave, (36 Celsius) made walking in this heat not pleasant!  


But what is summer about, if not to be spontaneous, huh?  It's a good thing Andrew didn't pinch my sister every time she said, pinch me, Andrew! Otherwise, she would have been black and blue. lol. All in all, this impromptu trip is one to be treasured.  

Not quite Thelma and Louise, but we had a blast!
Thank you, Mary!!!        

Friday's What the Heck/ It's About Time

 I often ponder in advance the subject of my next blog.  This time, I got to thinking about why I blog. At the end of the day, I hope to achieve by blogging a collection of stories, memories, which I am completely grateful for. 

Indeed, it goes without saying that I enjoy blogging. But more importantly as in my title “My Magnificent life” it clearly is about my life.  My experiences. My musings.  My interest. My opinions.  (I just realized that, I, a person who strives to avoid attracting attention to myself, have devoted an entire blog all about me! Ironic.) That is enough about me. :)

May was a busy month. My mom celebrated her 93^rd birthday and it leads me to contemplate the issue of time.  Not old age, nor the balance of life and death.  But in particular, about why time appears to speed up as we get older, or is it just me?  I remember, as a child each summer day seemed to go on for an eternity and that was okay with me.   What happened? When did our perception of time change?

For me, suddenly one day I noticed, days became weeks, and then months.  Time just began to collapse into a blur.  Trying to hold on to the minutes before they vanished is impossible. It is like pouring water on hot rocks; it sizzles, vaporizes, and is gone.

And, in a nutshell, that is why it is nice to be able to go back and read my past blog posts.  Blogging is my way of capturing snippets of my life, which if left to chance might disappear into the abyss.  Usually, I'll pick a quite time at the end of the year to pick events from the  previous year. More often than not, a smile will grace my face but sometimes tears too as I go back into time and read various posts.  It is a glimpse into my life, souvenirs of the good and bad. 

That said, already, I feel like I’ve done a whole summer’s worth of activities and it’s not yet the end of May. 

When the family gathered in the same city earlier this month for my mom’s birthday party, this presented a perfect opportunity to spend an evening with my five beautiful sisters.  This was a rare occasion because it seems that someone is always missing at family events.  Reconnecting and reminiscing about time past and celebrating current successes produced precious laughter.   Moreover, big sisters keep you real.  Lol!  (An interesting observation, my brothers don’t seem to make an attempt to get together.  Is this a male thing, I wonder?) 

The following day, a huge birthday party!  I admit being a bit of a control freak (read, bossy!) and I was somewhat taken a back when I discovered no one was in charge of coordinating the event.  How is that possible, no boss, I thought? How will people know who is responsible for this or that and what type of food to bring, this being a potluck an all?  And, it didn’t help my state of mind either when the wild meat for the soup was delivered still frozen and unprepared at 1 pm.  Yikes!!! 

In the end, it all came together like magic, everyone pitched in and did what needed to be done and brought perfect yummy dishes.  I have an awesome family!  

Mama (as she is known to everyone) had no idea what we planned as she had a small party on her actual birthday.   She entered the Friendship Centre and was greeted with an explosion of applause and happy birthday sung by everyone!  Clearly, by the look of her it was a major surprise.

As a gift to her I created our family tree.  It was an amazing process for me researching seven generations of family. As I read the research reports, I imagined the era of that individual person. I was especially blown away when I wrapped my mind around how much has changed in the world. Particularly, our technology! I tried to imagine what my great, great, grandmother would think if she knew I was researching her lineage on a computer, viewing it later on an ipad and sending electronic files on my iphone to the internet in real-time so those who could not be in attendance would feel like they were part of the celebration.  In terms of time, this progress is but a wee blimp in the history of time, and yet to my mom, it is real science fiction.

When printed, the descendant report was over ten feet long with 258 people and 93 families.   I can’t imagine how mama felt knowing she is responsible for a community hall full of people, not to mention those who were absent! Interestingly, her mother was an only child.  How awesome, huh!

May is a month for family birthdays, and another birthday surprise for my dear special young ladies.  Thinking up surprise is what I really enjoy doing but sometimes I collaborate with someone and in this instance I needed Jenelle’s help. It was killing her to keep the secret I know, but so worth it! What do you get a budding contortionist? Well a contortionist dream holiday, that’s what!

Later, on the  May long weekend, on a gorgeous sunny day, we attended a small intimate wedding at a beautiful historical venue. 

My bias to be sure is small weddings, and this wedding was perfect!  The bride looked as all brides do on their day, absolutely radiant.   Apparently, the groom said to his bride as they were planning the wedding,” A maximum forty people and if one extra person is invited, the wedding would have to go on without me.”  The bride must have taken him literally because there were no more than forty people in attendance.  Well, that we knew of anyway.  Because apparently this historical building had a resident ghost who is known to make an appearance each day at 2:30, but no one at the wedding actually saw her.   

Finally this week, I completed (actually I co-coordinated the riverfront landscaping) including a spot for late night bonfires at the cottage.  It looks spectacular! 

Wow, this was a hectic month! It’s no wonder time appeared to whiz on by quick like lighting.