I found my voice. It takes
courage to speak your opinions, especially when some of them relate to members
of your family. I found it liberating to speak out about injustices within my First Nation but then I was faced with a choice between speaking up and being
rejected by certain family members or stay silent. I chose family. My voice
went silent.
Social media
platforms are great for casual and even virtual relationships. You can be my friend today and block me
tomorrow because I said something you don’t like. I have Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
friends all over the world who I will never meet but can have a connection on shared interest. And in the context of your real family these
platforms can be wonderful ways to share news, pictures and messages. In my case, my family is enormous and there
is no way I could keep in touch with everyone without these platforms.
Over the years, I’ve worked on myself to
become more aware of how my behaviour affects others. Often I will not say something
to a person about their actions unless I feel they can handle it. There
has to be an understanding for them to hear what I have to say before they are
able to hear it without overreacting or feel that they are being
attacked. I admit, in the past I have misjudged some people and have paid
for that by losing their respect, whether it was justified or not.
At our core, we all seek a meaningful and
purposeful life. Something that gives us meaning as human beings.
Our need for human connection is a basic need that began when we were
children as part of a family. Our family relationships provided us a connection
with others and shaped who we are.
It is true, you don’t pick your family.
Instead you are born into a family. Being part of my family is a
gift. You have no idea how very lucky we are to have a large family
with diverse interests on so many levels.
Each family member has value and we all contribute to the dynamics of our
family. However, family dynamics, we can agree, are complex and sometimes can
be very complicated because of our underlying emotional baggage.
All things being equal, relationships take
work, especially family relationships. It is not easy. Thus, it is even more
important to keep the lines of communications open. I think to be an effective
communicator one must become a master at communicating with all family members inspite of our differences.
If you achieve a mastery level in family relationships you can successfully
communicate with anyone. I guarantee it. LOL
At the same time social platforms undermine us by
making it easier to cut off communications. Sometimes in the heat of an
argument our default is to remove people on our social platforms and then take
it to the next and final step, to block them. For those who are not
familiar with the term "blocking" it means you cannot contact the person
who cut you off on the internet. Often they also take the extra step to block
your calls on their cellphone. Blocking someone, to be sure, can give you a
feeling of empowerment. But the message is relationships, including family,
are disposable. You are thrown away in a blink of an eye without a second
thought. And this leaves the person blocked feeling helpless
without an explanation of why they were blocked. It is a cowardly way to end a
family relationship.
But of course you have that right. Particularly
if you feel an individual is harming you in anyway and is devoid of any empathy
or compassion towards you. By all means block away. That said, if your family member is not a deviant evil human being, in other words not a psychopath, then why not
work on your disagreement. What is wrong with talking to that person? Just saying.
When you block a family member, you may not
realize the ramifications of this action. I have been removed and blocked by family
members. I interpreted it to mean that person no longer wants me in
their life, and I interpret it to mean that I am no longer family. It is a
pretty clear message.
This is the
downside of mixing the disposable culture of social platforms with a real
family. If I block a Facebook “friend”
on Facebook I won’t have to live with the consequences of that person’s
feelings. But when a family member
blocks me, somebody whose blood and history I share, how am I supposed to feel?
Indeed, how do I feel and act when I continue
to see a person who has blocked me at family functions? When I found myself at
a family gathering, I felt awkward and didn't know how I was suppose to act.
Do I say hi and shake their hand or do I ignore them? Of course, I
shook their hand but it felt disingenuous. It is perplexing
to say the least.
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| Rose, Liz, Mary, Annie, Dora, and Mama. |
Initially I told myself that doesn’t really
matter. But you know what, it matters to me! We will continue
to see each other at family gatherings. Awkward, right? Furthermore, withholding family affection because of a disagreement is the worst kind of emotional blackmail
and not to mention it is hurtful. What hurt the most is the family members who
rejected me are people who found their purpose in standing up for environmental
injustices, fighting against the colonial government on issues of Indigenous
Rights but yet they feel justified in their position to reject a family member
who stands for injustice of our membership against our own leadership's
actions.
Frankly I find it ironic and it is the
definition of intolerance. As a child of the First Nations Residential School
System I feel that this intolerance and indifference from family is a step
backwards. How can we talk about Truth and Reconciliation as a Nation if we have
intolerance within our family and in our communities? It certainly is not part of our
Indigenous culture and definitely not in line with our own Dene Laws.
At the end of
the day, in this new world order, basically I see a disconnect between our
actions on social platforms and being caring individuals. Understandably,
it takes bravery to step out from behind social platforms and actually engage
with one another as adults, instead of behaving like petulant
children. Which is exactly what these
platforms encourage us to be. I don’t
like something you said, and so I am going to pretend you no longer exist.
I will always choose family over politics
because family matters to me. We can choose to
respond to family in
whichever way we want, but your choice will determine how much you value being
part of this family. I recognize we are individuals going through
different things in our life and I respect your choices. To that end, I
will never remove family members or block them from my life
either on social platforms or in “real” life. That is my promise to
my family.
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| The younger generation is watching. |
The other side of it is this. If you don’t like something I say, please
talk to me. Try to understand my side of
it. If you don’t agree with me,
fine. But don’t turn your back on
me. Don’t ignore me when we see each
other. I am a person, part of your
family. I will always be there if you
need me. I am not just a Facebook
“friend.” Like it or not, we are family.
However, I've experienced the darkest days of my life during
this challenge. The death of my mother
hit me especially hard. It is difficult to comprehend how someone so important in my life in no longer in my world. Then in May 2016, I watched my family and friends lose everything
to a wildfire in Fort McMurray, Alberta. 
