The Flip-Side of Life is DEATH

I sat in the radiance of the full-moon feeling insignificant and introspective one evening. In this state of being, I began to pondered these questions:

• What is life's purpose?
•  What is our true purpose? 
•  Does life's purpose change over time?

Our life on earth begins with our first breath and each subsequent breath sustains our life.

When we are faced with the unexpected, like  a death, perhaps a loss of someone close, we become acutely aware of how life is so very precious and delicate. Death is literally one breath away. 

I've been searching for the meaning of life ever since the first person in my life died, my grandmother. One day she was living and the next day she no longer walked on this beautiful earth. When I was hit with the realization that I would no longer hear her voice and see her smile, oh, how I cried and could not understand how she could be gone just like that. What meaning did her life hold, I thought, as my tears flowed. What is the purpose of loving someone and then having them snatched away? Why do we have to go through this pain?

Since then I have experienced more loss and each time I go through the same cycle of grief and bewilderment. What does it all mean?

Thinking of death fills me with equal amounts of fear and fascination. The fear is because I don't like to think about death and the finality of it all. On some level I think if I think about it, death will be conjured up. I choose instead to think that my love ones will live forever. 

But on the other hand, I am also fascinated by the questions of death. It is after all a natural part of life. Do we have a soul? Where does our soul (if we have one) go when they die? Is time and space blurred when we die? Why do we still feel the essence of someone after they die? 

Honestly, we don't want to think about it, do we.  Most of us don't even want to say the word, died. We use euphemisms like "passed away" or "no longer with us".  life is consumed with routine activities of survival, eat, work, play, love, and sleep, which leaves little space to think about the nasty subject of death.  Essentially, we avoid it as much as possible.  

But death is unavoidable. Then someone we love dies and we are forced to deal with it.  Our reality is forever changed and sometimes it can take a long time to come to terms with the loss. In the haze of our grief and uncertainty we begin to think more deeply about our human existence. 

The flip side of living is death. How can you be fully alive if you don't look at death? Indeed,  as we can become more aware of how vulnerable life is, there is no question we will appreciate it more and the people in our life. 
Thus, we become alive. We want life to matter. We want meaning. We feel more deeply. We're more attentive to the ones we love. We say "I love You".  

However, this stage can be brief and when the grief has passed, we go back to going through the motions again. Back to our daily routine and back to living without being fully alive. On the whole, we are satisfied to go through the motions of living without being fully conscience. 

Under the defused light of the full moon and feeling inconsequential, with a zillion thoughts and emotions competing for space in my mind, nothing comes close to answering the question of life's purpose. Perhaps there are no answers. I've intentionally left out any discussion on religion and how religions explain the notion of death because we really don't know, do we? 

"Death the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace, and whose refuge is for all - 

the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved."  Mark Twain  

Are You the Driver

Life Happens! 

I am the driver.  I am in control of how my life unfolds and how I navigate the bumps along the way.  If you take my wheel, I might let you, for a while.  But then I will gently take it back because I accept that, I, alone am responsible for where I am going. 

I am a people watcher. I have excellent intuitive skills and in knowing what someone is about to do. When I am driving, I notice drivers around me, and I can tell when someone is about to change lanes beside me.  I modify what I am going to do by reacting to what others around me are about to do.  This is a lesson from driver training class, to always share the road because no two people can be in the same space at the same time. That is chaos. 

I am a risks taker. I have been known to pick up hitchhikers.  Once, while driving with a co-worker, I stopped to pick up a hitchhiker, but just as I watched him running towards my vehicle I had this feeling I should just drive away leaving him in my rear view mirror.  But, I didn’t because it would be discourteous.  Nothing happened. However, later we heard on the news that a mental patient had escaped from the institute near where we stopped.  Lesson here is always trust your gut, even if you might hurt someone’s feelings or look bad.

I am a big picture kind of girl. Here again, lessons from my driver instructor, who emphasized in class to always see the "big picture".  If there is an obstacle blocking your view, don’t just speed ahead, slow down and pull back until you see the big picture, what is ahead, beside, and behind you.  When it is clear on all sides, make a decision, don’t hesitate, and just proceed forward.

I like to be prepared and ask questions.  I like to think of all possibilities and things that can happen down the road. Much like having an emergency kit in my car with the usually stuff, candle, blanket, and chocolates. Although, the chocolates I have to keep replenishing for some reason. Be prepared by having the right tools at the ready.  That said, it does not mean I am not occasionally spontaneous, sometimes, I like to just get in my car and drive just for the experience.

Timing is important. I detest being late and will continuously allow for possible interruptions. Most of the time I am early, which gives me time to pause and clear my head before proceeding. If there is a delay, as has happened recently due to someone I picked up who was not ready on time.  I decided to accept it without anxiety, and allow that whenever we got there will be fine.  In this instance, there was a horrible accident, and if I had my way, I would have been there right in the middle of that accident.  If time is out of your control, it is best to just go with it.

I am flexible.  But I admit, at times it takes more effort for me to change directions.  It’s all about inertia, once I am moving down a path, it’s more difficult to halt and go in a different direction.  However, when I trust my instincts, it is nothing for me to do a u-turn right then and there, usually with gusto. It is a rush to proceed into the unknown sometimes.

I am goal driven. This is the thing that most defines me. I have to know where I am going, what my goal is,  and at the end of the day what waits for me.  I need to be prepared. It’s like having a map, although, I don’t read like maps because I get carsickness if I try reading them in a moving car. But, I do love the GPS in my car. I love it, but don’t blindly trust it.  I must know, for myself, where I am going generally before I get into the driver's seat, so when I am given directions, I know them to be somewhat correct. I've heard too many stories of people ending up in the ditch because they followed their GPS instead of using their brain.  Always question, am I on the right road. 

Life to me is about knowing what I can control, accepting what I can't control, asking questions, and trusting my instincts. These understandings have guided me as I traveled. They are important because, as we know,  life happens, whether it is according to our plan or not.  Ultimately, it is how we react and adjust to the plan that makes the journey exciting. But most importantly, don't forget to have fun and pick up people along the way, with whom you can  enjoy the scenery.  Although, just not those on the road close to the mental institute. Just saying!