"
Illness affect more than just the person diagnosed; it will impact everybody in the household because all family members are integral to the family unit. Recently I spent a few weeks at a rehabilitation hospital after suffering a stroke. I am normally a pretty private person, the and writing a blog this personal is unusual for me.
However, I think this subject is very important and maybe by writing and sharing my experience, this might benefit others. The incident
left me with left side inattentiveness, or neglect; which basically means my
brain has decided not to pay attention to the things on my left side. Effectively
rendering me partially blind in my left eye. This is an interesting and complex problem. I can still see, but my brain needs prompting, to wake up!
And, on top if that, shortly after being
admitted to the hospital, I noticed that my right eye was not seeing properly. I
have had a few weeks now to process what has happened, and also to implement
some adaptation techniques to deal with my deficits given to me by my therapist
at the hospital.
When I first arrived on the ward I felt strange
and out of place. However, the very first doctor I met quickly put me at ease. One
of the first things that he addressed was my concern with my right eye. My complaints about my vision in the previous
hospital were ignored, but he seemed to think it was serious enough that he immediately
contacted a specialist at the Eye Institute and within an hour I had an
appointment there. I got the feeling that this was a doctor that meant business, he acted quickly and efficiently, A type of doctor you want on your case.
His swift reaction to my concern gave me full
and immediate confidence that I was going to be taken well cared for. I was also impressed with his curiosity to investigate the problem. I started to comprehend what had happened to
me, although I did not yet fully
understand the extent of the deficits and whether or not they will be
permanent. Everything seemed to be
happening in slow motion. I am a person who is very patient, but I am also
fiercely independent and quite stubborn. These personality traits have served
me quite well in overcoming obstacles throughout my life. I Am hoping these traits will also help me here
as well.
However,
dealing with a stroke, which happened during heart surgery is a challenge that
is entirely new to me and I am only now able to appreciate how this has changed
my life. For example, before this happened I was fiercely independent., Now I am unable to drive and have to be dependent on others to drive me to my appointments. To begin with, Being in the rehabilitation hospital
for several weeks has given me plenty of time to read, even with these new challenges and sort through my
feelings regarding what has happened to me. Interestingly, I am on the whole dealing with
this fairly well, I think. I credit my years studying and practicing Buddhist philosophy
and meditation with keeping me emotionally and mentally stable and upbeat.
Another one
of my characteristics is that I am not impulsive and I don't over react to anything but will take time to assess the situation and to try to fully understand it. I am
of the opinion that we always have some control over our situation, but not
always and not on everything. But we do have some measure of control
over how we react to situations. This I picked up from reading Dr.Victor Frankl's book Mans search for Happiness. an amazing book!
The first few days at the hospital all I did was observe the patients, the staff nurses and the doctors on how they related to the patients on the ward. To be sure, this is a different world for me and I am aware this will be a long journey.
The first few days at the hospital all I did was observe the patients, the staff nurses and the doctors on how they related to the patients on the ward. To be sure, this is a different world for me and I am aware this will be a long journey.
All my life
I have been pretty good at assessing what I could and could not accomplish. I
do what I can and if I can’t do something I will find ways around it. For
example, when I was young I enjoyed watching the other students play baseball.
One day, the captain asked if I wanted to join. It was at the beginning of the game
when the captains were picking their team members. as I stood in line, for a brief
second and I was scared. I was scared that I would be the last child standing. And would not be would not be picked
by either of them. Because of a childhood ailment I couldn’t runwell.
But then, I was actually the first
person picked! Grinning, I asked her
why she picked me. She said that she noticed that I had a good strong arm and I
would be an asset to the team. She
added: “So do you want to be on my team?”
I answered: “Only if you would run for me.” She said, “as long as you hit the ball far
and I can get home.” That was our deal.
I would bat hard and far and she would run quickly around the bases. She got home many times. Perhaps that’s not
conventional but it made the games fun for me and I was part of the team! Maybe I was the first designated hitter!
I had
learned early on that there is really nothing that one can’t do as long as they
were open to look outside the box for a solution. In my particular situation I am faced with
currently, I need to really understand what has happened and how my brain is
responding to it. Moreover I Need to investigate what I should be doing to help
my brain improve. It will not serve me to
feel sorry for myself or to get into a funk I need to be able to think clearly
about alternatives and adapt to my new situation. In life, you will find yourself in situations
that are not of your control, but it is always in your control to respond in a
way that will actually make your situation better.
My weeks in
a rehabilitation hospital have taught me one thing and that is my situation
could have been far worse than it is. Knowing that, I am looking at what I am
able to do to make my situation better not worse. I am determined to not have
my stroke identify who I am just as I worked hard to not have my childhood
limitations define who I am. I don’t
waste a lot of time looking at what I am not able to do. And I don’t
spend my time thinking about what I was able to do before it happened.
A few years
ago, my brother had a brain injury and I spent some time researching brain
injuries and I’ve come to believe that certain activities can improve or create new neurological pathways that can assist and improve the
brain. This area has real interest to me
since reading books authored by Dr. Oliver Sacks. Science has come a long way
in how they view the brain’s plasticity. A few
years ago the conventional belief was that the brain, and in fact the entire
nervous system, could not be changed or repaired. That thinking has since changed. I t may take time but with hard work, I believe you can improve your situation.
In addition it is amazing,
how a positive attitude can make things
better. It may not change the situation,
but it will help you cope with your new circumstances. Our attitude will do one of two things: it will either make you feel better or it will
make you feel upset or depressed or hopeless.
Only you can decide which of the
two emotions you would like to feel. I for the most part don’t like to feel down and
upset because it serves no purpose. I make a choice to look at the bright side or look for ways to improve
my situation.
An
important component in overcoming a new medical challenge is having someone who
takes an interest in you. Another doctor at the hospital made me feel as
though I mattered. To him I was more than the stroke in room 420! Every morning before his rounds, he would
stop at my room to chat with me for a
few minutes. I am certain he didn’t know
how much those few minutes meant to me and that I looked forward everyday to
talking with him. It was not only
doctors who made an effort to relate to me as a human, but there were
nurses and therapists too who showed compassion and caring when interacting
with me. A smile and laughter goes a
long way in transforming any institution into a healing environment. And I am thankful for those moments of
levity and caring from the staff on the ward because they made a big difference in my attitude
and state of being.
I don’t know
what the future will bring. However I cannot compare who I am today with how I
was yesterday. The only thing I can do is
enjoy each moment because all I really have is this moment. The past no
longer exists, and the future has not happened yet. That too is a bit Buddhist wisdom. I am not saying that I don’t get frustrated,
because I do. But I am determined to
shape my relationship with this stroke on my own terms by being fully
present. As it turns out with left side neglect
I have to force my brain to be more aware of what is happening to my left side
in order to avoid injuring myself. Or to find things.
So, if taking
this extra care means I-will be more present, that is not such a bad thing. It
could have been worse. I am able to
walk, talk, read (with some extra difficulty) and do many of the same things I
have always enjoyed, just maybe with more concerted focus and
attentiveness. That is not a bad thing,
in my humble opinion.
The stroke
has not taken my identity away. I am still me. I will
still be able to work, although an extra level of care will be necessary. I have also been fortunate that I have my
husband and my son and friends who stopped in for a visit who have been an
amazing help to me through this period.
https://anamelikian.com/mans_search_for_meaning_by_viktor_frankl/http://www.fablar.in/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/Mans_Search_for_Meaning.78114942.pdf
4 comments:
As always your unyielding strength and determination, followed by grace will guide you through this next chapter of your journey. No doubt if anyone can overcome these setbacks- you will certainly find away to work your magic.
Watch out Dunrobin!!! Andrews helping mom out to appointments! ��
I have toughest mom in da 'hood! Ain't no one stopping my mom from living life to the fullest!
Love you!
( The following, comment i is from my friend, Tyanass sent to me by email. who is an educator and delivers leadership courses to first nation people.
think you can for your comment.These are such a wonderful posts Angelina. I wanted to respond first to some of the specifics that really caught me:
First of all, when I first saw this photo in one of your much earlier posts I'd assumed this photo was from the 50s or something....when I think of MY 1971, it has no relationship to this picture - none at all. I was literally in a different universe from what you were going through at that time.
I'm sure your huge value to your brother Samuel was your deep love for him and that's the most powerful thing no matter what was or wasn't said. Love spans across any of those gaps or bumps in the road. In reflection of our conversation earlier today, it's interesting to think that by being more in the discovery of the moment as per Budha teachings (and I really know what the right language is) - more full of the wonder of discovery you are in now, you'd possibly even have asked Samuel to say more about there being too many rules. It's not something most people would bother to question more. You were trying to comfort him that even though they were annoying they were good, that's all.
When I first started out in education I was a special ed teacher - and that's as close as I've ever been to working with the medical profession. In that situation, we'd have meetings once a month or so with all the specialists (special ed teacher, language pathologist, psychologist, medical doctor, etc) and it always included both the parent and the child. Given we're not talking bout children in hospitals, wouldn't it be good if time was taken for that - or at least to fully explain everything that was being done so that, for instance, when you keep being given the same test or exercise it's not because you're 'failing' but because they're trying to train your brain.
And in general, the medical profession is horrible at that - taking notes, keeping a file on you and never sharing it. Pretty outrageous when you think of it.
It was amazing to read that after suffering a stroke they weren't much concerned about your vision! In addition to the eyes being a window to the soul, they're a window to the brain and anyone with the most basic first aid knowledge knows this. Thank goodness you got the much better doctor!
Tell me, what made you decide to go for a stress test anyway? I'm so glad you did or things could have been much, much worse - unthinkable.
I love who you're being in all of this, Angelina because there's no doubt at all that this is a very trying, difficult and life-changing thing you're going through and you're doing it in a way we can all learn from - even though there will be many days and moments in your days when you might slip back to normal-reaction of course, but who you're being overall is what counts and you'll be more fulfilled, happier, self-expressed and full of positive energy, Angelina.
And as for the practical, important things - it would be really good if you were able to speak to whomever is in charge of these things to cause a change in hospital care - even at that hospital only and focusing at least at first on the volunteers. It will probably take a real conversation with a few people - starting with your doctor perhaps who could suggest how one does that. What a difference it would make to Indigenous patients if there were a greater understanding of this.
Let's talk again one of these days. It is really wonderful being in touch.
Tanyss
p.s. I also love your dining room AND your tea pot. So interesting - especially as you told me about the tea.
Thank for taking the time to read and comment.and, And also for the long and interesting conversation we had yesterday by phone.
When I was reading the blog I was wondering, is this what happened to Angelina, What a strong person.
I know your real vision will never fed away. you have a vision for yourself and you are also gifted to see a vision and gift of others. I appreciate your strength Angelina. Keep the good job you are doing.
Post a Comment