Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Goodbye


Yesterday morning, my brother, Patrick David Deranger (born 10-02,1951) passed away.

I still see him in my mind's eye a strong confident man. Interestingly, my mind goes back to our house in Fort Chip when I was a child. It is a sunny afternoon. Our house feels warm light and full of happiness. I remember one Christmas, he received a guitar, and taught himself to play.


My last few conversations with him were wonderful, tender, and caring. The last thing he said to me was: “You are so compassionate little sis; I know you really care for our family.” He was right. He saw my commitment to family.


I am really conflicted about his passing. On one hand, I know he is no longer suffering. In his later years he was not very healthy. Physically he had difficulty with his respiratory system, and mentally and emotionally he was in a struggling relationship. And through it all he remained true to his nature.

However, I still feel the pain of his passing. And I am happy he was in a peaceful and safe place before his death.


Days before his passing he was content. In text messages he stated that where he was living is peaceful. He was focusing on his recovery and gathering and picking up his scattered authentic self, his identity, and his self-worth.  I believe none of his siblings knew how much assistance he needed day to day.   he was a proud man, and gave everyone the impression he was doing better than he was.


He wrote to me: “I look forward to eventually independent living with a place of my own. I am single now.” He added: “Good thoughts go a long way. You love unconditionally, keep it up.”


It is satisfying to think that his last weeks were with people he felt were good people: “I am with people who have a lot of compassion and unconditional love. I am very positive and hopeful dreaming many possible things to do for the future.”


If things were different, he would still have many good years ahead. But it is not so.

He impacted many people with his positive energy, and his solemn advice, his laughter and good humour.


He was a man who could identify with “bush” life, but while he also tried to walk in the white man's world, it was conflicting for him. He questioned whether he was worthy or if he measured up. This  doubt  and lack of confidence was generated in residential school. He was more than that, he was Dene. It is an amazing acknowledgement to be able to speak your language, to identify with nature and animals. He was a very special and thoughtful man.


Towards the end of his life he reconciled those feelings knowing that he was special to be born an Indigenous person. He felt that his life had meaning and purpose, and he used those teachings for others who were struggling with their own worth. Residential schools caused many strong Indigenous people to question their worth and their significance as Indigenous people.


I am glad he was able to see his own worth before he passed.

1 comment:

Great Eagle said...

A beautiful tribute to your brother Angelina. Thankyou for sharing. <3

Blog Archive

Labels

#greencold-pressedjuice #healthcare #sisterlylove #healing #love (1) 100 days of gratitude (4) 2008 (1) 2010 review (2) 2012 (1) 2014 letters (1) 2015 (1) 2016 (1) 2018 (2) 2019 review (1) 2021 (1) 26 years (1) 6th line (1) 751 Discovered (1) A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table (1) Acadia University (1) acai bowls (1) accident (1) accidents (1) ACDEN (3) ACFN (9) Addictions (4) Adia (1) Advertising (1) Africa (1) Agricultural benefits (1) Airbnb (1) Ajahn Brahm (1) Albert Mercredi (1) Alberta (1) Alberta government (1) Alcoholism (4) Alinker (1) Allan Adam (1) alternative care (1) Andrew (9) Andrew Gr.7 (1) andrew's books (1) Angelina (1) anger (1) animals (1) Annie Pootoogook (1) anniversary (7) Aphantasia (1) apology (2) April (1) Arctic (1) artist (2) Arts (1) Asia (1) Athabasca Chipewyan First Nation (1) attachment (1) Attawapiskat (1) August 2011 (1) aunt (1) Aunt Marie (1) aunt Marie Memory lane (1) Auschwitz (1) Australia (3) Autumn (2) Ayurveda (1) Baba (1) Bad to the bone (1) BAL 2021 (1) BBF (1) BC (1) Being a leader (1) Bennet Dam (1) Beverages (1) Beyak (1) bias (1) Bill C-31 (1) Billy (1) Biology (1) birthday (5) birthdays (1) blessing (2) blogging (3) blogs (1) Blood pressure (1) Bob Dylan (1) Bodhi (2) book review (3) Books (3) boys (1) brain (1) breast cancer (1) Brother (2) brothers (1) Buckminster Fuller (1) Buddhism (1) Buddhist (1) Burns (1) Bush (1) Business (1) camera (1) Canada (1) Canadians (1) cancer (1) Cancers (1) Captain Schettino (1) captain Sullenberger (1) Cars (1) Carswell Lake (1) cat (1) CBC (1) cell phones (1) Challenge (2) change (1) charity (1) Charles Camsell Hospital (1) cheating (1) Chief (2) Chief Adam (1) Chief Allan Adam (1) Children (1) China (1) Chipman House (1) Chocolate (1) choices (1) Cholangiocarcinoma (1) Christian (1) Christmas (8) Christmas 2015 (1) Christmas music (1) Christmas Mystery (1) classic cars (1) cleaning (1) climate change (1) cold (1) cold pressed juice (1) cold season (1) cold virus (1) colonic (1) Coma (1) communication (4) community (2) Consumer alert (1) conversations (2) Cook (1) coping (1) core (1) cottage (1) Cough (1) country life (4) covid (1) covid19 (2) Cows and Ploughs (1) CRE2015 conference (1) creative (1) Crisis (1) Daniel Lanois (1) Danielle (1) Dawn (1) daydreaming (1) Death (6) death life (1) deer (1) Dene (2) Dene Sayisi (1) Denesuline (1) dentist (1) deranger (2) destiny (1) desuline (1) Developed country (1) disc hernaiation (1) disconnected (1) discovery (1) Distracted drivers (1) DIY (1) doghead (1) dogs (1) Dorval (2) Dr. O’Connor (1) drama free (1) dreams (3) drive (1) Drum (1) drunk drivers (1) Dunrobin (1) Dunrobin Ontario (1) earthquake (1) Edmond Metatawabin (1) Edmonton (2) Ego (1) Elderly (1) Elders (1) Election (2) election 2015 (2) electronics (1) Elegy for Mama (1) elope (1) emotions (2) Empire State Building (1) Enabling (1) energy (1) Environment (2) enzymes (1) Eulogy. (1) Executive Balinese Home (1) Facebook (5) fall (3) family (47) family tree (3) family vacation (2) farm (1) farmer's market (1) Father (1) Feb. 12 (1) feel good (1) Fiction (1) Fiji (1) fire (1) Fire 2016 (1) Firewater (1) First Nation (6) First Nations (4) First Nations Financial Transparency Act (1) fisher (1) Flora and Fauna (1) focus (1) fondue (1) Food (5) Food and Related Products (1) for sale (1) Forgiveness (1) Fort Chipewyan (20) Fort McMurray (12) Frank Abbott (1) Fred C Adam (1) freedom of speech (1) Freeze (1) French Toast (1) Freshman (1) Friend (1) friends (6) friendship (5) fun (3) functional medicine (1) future (1) Games (1) garden (2) Ghetto (1) Ghost (1) gifts (3) ginger tea (1) Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest (1) Goals (2) God (1) gofundme (1) Good bye Mom (1) goodbye (1) Governance (1) gratitude (3) green smoothie challenge (1) green smoothies (3) Green tea (1) greens (1) Gretchen (1) Gretchen Morgan (1) Grey Owl (1) guest book (1) habits (2) hair (1) halloween (1) happiness (7) Harold R Johnson (2) harvest (1) hawaii (5) healing (2) Healing Our Spirit World Wide (1) Health (13) health Brain (1) healthy (1) heart (1) Heart and Soul (1) Hearts (1) heatwave (3) Helen (1) helping (1) Henry's (1) here is what is (1) High School (1) Hilton Hotels (1) Historical fiction (1) Historical novel (1) history (1) holidays (6) Holy Angels (4) holy Angels Residential School Dene (1) holy Angels residents (1) Home (2) homeless (1) homeopathic (1) hope (2) Horns (1) Horns: A Novel (1) horror (3) Hot chocolate (1) housework (1) hubby (2) Hummingbird Hill B and B (1) hurt (1) hurts (1) hypertension (1) Ila Bussidor (1) impermance (1) independence (1) Indian Act (2) Indian wedding (1) indigenous communities (2) Indigenous healthcare (1) Indigenous Peoples (1) integrity (1) intention (1) intergenerational trauma (1) Isidore (1) Jacob Liberman (1) January blues (1) Jerry Seinfeld (1) Jian Ghomeshi (1) joe hill (1) Joseph Boyden (1) Joy Bliss Raw (1) juice (4) Karen (1) Kauai (3) Ke e Beach (1) kindeness (1) kindness (2) Kinship (1) Kitty Kelly (1) KMS (1) L (1) L l (1) L le (1) L lea (1) L lead (1) L leade (1) L leader (1) L leaders (1) L leadersh (1) L leadershi (1) L leadership (1) La Loche (1) Lac St. Anne (1) landline phone (1) Last wish (1) laugh (1) Laughter (2) leadership (1) Lend Me a Tenor (1) Lent (2) Leonard Cohen (3) lessons (1) letting go (1) life (14) life skills (4) lifeskills (1) lifestyle (1) Lights (1) Limiting beliefs (1) line ups (1) Lists (1) Literature (2) living (1) liz (1) lost dog (1) love (26) Lumahi Beach (1) Lunar ice (1) Mac (1) Macbook air (1) mad as hell (1) Mad Men (1) Magical universe (1) Makua beach (1) mama (12) manners (1) Maple syrup (1) March winter (1) Margo (2) marriage (1) Mary (2) Mary Olive (1) Massage (1) Master Cleanse (1) Matt Lauer (1) Max Deranger (1) MD (1) Meaning of life (1) media (1) meditation (5) meeting (1) Melbourne (1) members (1) men (1) Mental health (2) miata MX5 (1) Mike and Kay (1) mind (1) Mindful (1) Missing and Murdered women and girls (1) Molly Wizenberg (1) mom (1) moments (2) Moneca (1) Money (2) Montessori method (1) Montreal (2) Moon (1) Mother Earth (1) mothers (1) Music (2) Music Box (1) musician (1) musing (1) my birthday wish (1) MySpace (1) nap (1) NASA (1) National Arts Centre (1) National Youth forum (1) Natural law (1) Nature (4) Nechi (1) Neil Young (1) neuroplasty (1) New Year's resolution (4) New Years (2) New York City (1) news (1) newsletter (2) Night Spirits (1) no snow (1) Norman Doige (1) Novel (1) November madness (1) nuheyatie (1) Nuns (1) Nurses (2) NYC (1) Obama (1) Odyssey trip (1) oilsands (3) old days (1) On the Web (1) Onion (1) Onions and Garlic (1) Online Communities (2) Online Writing (1) opinion (1) opioids (1) Oprah (1) Oprah Winfrey (2) Organic food (1) Ottawa (2) Ottawa River (3) Pacific Foods (1) pain (1) painting (1) pandemic 2020.doctor (1) Paris (1) passion (1) pat brother. (1) Patric (3) Pay-Per-Click Advertising (1) Peace (3) Peggy Blair (1) People (1) People and Society (2) Personal finance (1) Peru (1) pets (1) picnic (2) pizza (1) planes (1) Play (1) plumber (1) poem (2) poet (2) point claire (2) Poland (2) politics (3) pollution (1) pond (1) Pool (3) Port Alberni (1) power (1) power outage (1) present (2) Princeville (1) privacy (1) Produce (1) Promotion (1) public washroom (1) Publications (1) purpose (2) Q (1) Quebec City (2) Racism (1) raclette (1) Radha Agrawal community (1) random (1) Range Rover Evoque (1) raw foods (6) RCMP (1) RECONCILIATION (2) Reflection (1) rehabilitation (2) relationships (12) relaxing (2) religion (1) remembrance day (1) repairs (1) Residential School (2) Residential schools (3) resolution (1) Resolutions (1) responsibility (1) Review (1) Rick Mehta (1) Riddell street (1) rituals (1) river (1) River musings (1) Roger (1) Rose (1) Rossi (3) rumi (1) Rupert Ross (1) sacrifice (1) sadness (1) sailboats (1) Salad (1) Saskatchewan (1) Saturday (1) school (1) schools (1) Scotland (1) Scottish independence (1) Search Engines (1) Search for Granddaughter (1) seasons (1) Second Life (1) Security (2) self care (2) Self identifying as indigenous (1) sensual (1) sept 2 (1) September 18th 2014 (1) Services (1) shakespeare (1) Shanghai (1) sheep (1) Shepherds of Good Hope (1) shooting (1) Shopping (3) Sigh (1) silence (1) singer (1) Sisters (4) sisters. good bye Love (1) skiing (1) sleep (1) small town (1) smile (1) Smoothie (1) snake (1) snow (3) Social Media (5) Social network (3) Social network service (1) Social Networking (1) Society and Culture (2) solocree (1) song (1) Sorapot (1) Sorry (1) soul (2) Soul School (1) souls (2) Spa (1) Specific Claims (1) Spirit of Christmas (1) Spreadsheet (1) Spring (2) Status Indian (1) Stieg Larsson (1) Stillness (1) storytelling (1) Street people (1) strength (1) stress (2) stroke (2) success (1) summer (2) Summer 2012 (3) Summer 2013 (1) summer fun (1) summer intention (1) Sunday 160 (7) sunday picture (1) sunny ways (1) sunrise (1) sunset (1) Surgery (1) surprise (1) Tag (1) tansi (1) Tea (5) Technology (1) Teenagers (1) Tesla (1) thanks (1) Thanksgiving (2) the real you (1) Theatre (1) Therese Deranger (2) thinking (1) thoughts (1) Time (2) tooth (1) Toronto (2) Toxins (1) tradition (1) traffic (1) transformation (1) trapper (1) travel (1) Treaty No.6 (1) Treaty No.8 (2) tribe (1) truth (2) turkey (2) turtles (1) tweets (1) twitter (3) UFO (1) University (1) University of Warsaw (1) unmarked graves (1) unplugged (1) Uranium city (1) vacation (1) Valentine's Day (2) values (1) Victoria (1) Vik (1) vistors (1) vote (1) walk (1) Warsaw (1) Water fasting (1) weather (1) Web Design and Development (1) weddings (2) weight (1) Wellness (1) William Blake (1) William Ricketts (1) Williams (1) Winnipeg (2) winter (2) WIPCE (1) Women (1) world series (1) World War II (1) writer (1) year in review (3) Yma Sumac (1) yoga (1) Youth (1) zombies (1)