Monday, October 12, 2020
Thursday, August 20, 2020
I DECLARE I AM A CAUSE FOR COMPASSIONATE INQUIRY INTO TRAUMA as the source for addictions in FIRST NATION COMMUNITIES
Inasmuch as the world stopped for many in early March 2020, it did not stop for me.
I embraced my vulnerability and accepted it as part of my journey that I needed to walk. And I embarked on my next challenge.
A leader in the Dene community inspired me to take a 12 week leadership course, Being A Leader facilitated by Unstoppable Conversations. This was his project when he took the course.
I just completed the last session this week. And of course, this would have little meaning if I also didn't experience a transformation. In the last week of the course I took responsibility for an action to occur that would make a profound difference for the organization I lead. It was not easy, as it never is when making difficult decisions.
The fallout from these actions is ongoing as I disrupted business as usual. And I suspect it will continue. As a leader, I am confident that actions that were taken will stand the organization in good stead for years to come. Taking being a leader course left me with a greater appreciation for my word and how I hold others to their word. That was a game changer for me. And upgraded the caliber of being a leader.
Disruption is an opportunity to start a new.
Among the many lessons the course revealed, an important and vital lesson I learned is that to have authenticity I must first look at myself and where I lacked authenticity.
This inquiry led me to discover that I often lack authenticity by my being extremely nice. The basis of this behavior is rooted in childhood trauma and I decided early on I wanted to be liked and accepted, and I didn’t ever want to hurt people’s feelings.
The downside to this behaviour is I would hold back from truthfully saying what needed to be said. Numerous times the facilitator said to me Angelina, you are being too nice! Obviously, the only person I was fooling is myself. Being too nice is ineffective and stops your growth.
An aspect of being a leader is to know what you stand for and, to make a declaration on what that is. This is just the first step. Your actions moving forward will speak to what you have declared.
Again, I cannot emphasize more strongly, that when speaking your truth, it is important that you speak from a place of authenticity because, no matter what words you use, if you lack authenticity everything you do will fall like a house of cards. And that does not serve anyone.
moreover, It is not about trying to be a leader; it is about taking on leadership like you would take on being yourself, as mom, or dad, It is not separate from who you are being. And through my participation in the course I can show up being a leader.
The insight that I received over the 12 weeks would not have been possible had I not been inspired by Norman Yakeleya, Dene National Chief, who took the course before me. Thank you, Norman. You will never realize how many people are impacted by being the leader you are.
In the last Zoom session in the course, it surprised me when everyone was acknowledging the facilitators for their insight in helping the course be as successful as it was. I got emotional. I really took on that they were showing up and creating space to make a difference for the 60 people worldwide who participated. As stated earlier the impact those beyond the 60 people to all the people they Inspired. In turn each of those people through their project are impacting many more people. As people revealed their transformation one by one. I eyewitnessed a confidence and distinct uncovering of their true authentic selves. These 60 people, which I am one, awakened their purpose and created an action plan to make it happen on a humanitarian level. bravo!
As part of the course, each participant choose to undertake a project to demonstrate their new understanding of leadership. These projects revealed will make the world a better place. Examples are;
1. Teaching illiterate mothers in Bangladesh English, so they can create a possibility of a better life for their children. To empower women is to empower the entire community.
2. Farm radio Internationally, 40 African farming communities in rural Africa, empowering them to help themselves, by:
· Securing increased funding
· Impact on ownership and forming responsible partnerships in rural Africa
3. Investigating the correlation of toxicity from the oilsands upstream from Fort Chipewyan Alberta on health and the high rates of rare bile cancers among members and offering them a possibility for optimum health. (My project, but did not get off the ground due to the person I partnered with did not provide me with the studies on toxicity.)
4. Changing a teaching paradigm for First Nations communities of how we address addictions by, incorporating compassionate inquiry and looking at trauma as the cause of addictions moving away from seeing addictions as a disease. (The project I took on halfway through the course I changed the focus of my project, identified Dr. Gabor Maté as my partner. We will start the project in September, after he completes his latest book.)
5. Humanizing the delivery of services to Canada. Creating a new standard that reduces bureaucracy in favor of humanizing government delivery of services.
6. A father's project to create a path forward for independence for his son, resulted in creating a more desirable relationship among his entire family, based on communication. Being present with each other, listening, and being heard.
7. People who resisted speaking up, stepped up and spoke revealing vulnerabilities and their authenticity.
8. A project to provide care for the elderly project designed to provide a safer institution for elders what the policy is based on kindness and compassion for the elderly.
Indeed, the course delivered and surpassed on its promise to give us the tools to allow participants to discover for themselves, and allow for true transformation to occur.
We leave the course literally as transformed people, truly leaders, and folks I am proud to call friends to walk with on my journey.
Sunday, August 2, 2020
"I tasted it in reality, and that was all I got. A one time deal. I can’t taste it again in my imagination." -Brian Leibold
I discovered that I have aphantasia. Discovered in 1880, and coined it in 2015 by cognitive and behavioral neurology scientists, Adam Zeman in the UK.
I found out I had it quite accidentally, during a conversation. What this means for me, is that I don't see images in my head. Crazy. It means that I have a condition that only 1 to 3 per cent of the world's population has. It never occurred to me even to investigate this phenomenon. I never knew that other people have a superpower of generating pictures just using their mind! Who would have thought?
Prior to a few days ago, I never gave it a second thought. Incidentally during a conversation with my daughter, I discovered I could not visualize what she was saying. Whenever I shut my eyes all I get is black with a bright/ light spot - I can't picture anything in my head at all.
There was an aha! moment for me, and I suddenly understood why I am geographically challenged. I cannot envision lakes, rivers on a map. And further it now made perfect sense that when I was talking to designers who were designing either my layout of the kitchen, bathroom, or landscaping I could not envision what they were creating until it was completed.
Until today I always thought that when people said they saw images it was more like a metaphor ... or like remembering. It is interesting to find out because I never knew what it meant to imagine something visually. I always thought that it was an intellectual process and not a situation of conjuring up a visual image with the mind. This knowledge does not change anything, although it does help me understand to some extent how my brain works.
For me, I connect through my feelings. My memory works by connecting events that have taken place directly to how I felt about it. When I tried to remember somebody, I don't get an image of them in my head; instead I get a feeling of them. Oliver Sacks, a neurologist and author, wrote a book titled The Man Who The Man who mistook his wife for a hat.
It is difficult to explain. I think it is like all the data is stored in my brain like on a hard drive and can be reassembled when needed. But it is not stored as a picture.
That is pretty freaky because if – like most people - you can see in pictures it must be hard to believe that others can’t do that because it seems so natural to you. Another insight into that amazing organ, the human brain!
Monday, June 22, 2020
Yesterday was Father’s Day
A typical day growing up in a house full of siblings...
I grew up in a large Dene family. Indeed we had a humble beginning. But what we lacked in material stuff, my father made up for by his exciting stories, and visions of the future.
I grew up in a house with ten brothers who all enjoyed reading, so there were always plenty of books around.
I remember picking up one of my brothers’ books when I was 11 and read it. The story was so captivating. As I read it, it unfolded much like a movie in my mind. Instantly I fell in love with books. It was the gateway to escape from the chaos in the home. in the evening when it got dark we used a homemade candle was called " bitch light, which is a makeshift candle made with oil and a cotton rag.
My brother's book was John Stienbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath. perhaps this is why I like blogging, chronicling bits and pieces of my life. Possibly my childhood might be boring to most but I am cognizant that it definitely is unique and special.
First, I am Indigenous. Secondly, I had 10 brothers. That in itself is crazy. Not the Indigenous part, but the ten brothers part.
How many people grew up with 10 brothers, in a small log cabin that did not have electricity or plumbing?
But most importantly my mom was a force to be reckoned with and her OCD about cleanliness, that kept my sisters and I constantly occupied with cleaning is a separate story in itself.
When I pick a subject to blog, I am careful to not portray myself as a victim, at the same time, I don’t over exaggerate my blessings. I like things to be simple and straightforward and if you read it to the end and have felt entertained, or learned something new then I am satisfied.
as I mentioned,In my formative years we lived in a small log cabin that my father built. We had a wood stove in the middle of the living room. The woody fragrance coming from the burning logs in the stove and constant flurry of activity around, comforts me as I got older. We slept four or five to a bed. And we had three bedrooms. The boys had their own room.
In the dog days of summer, my Dad would put the wood stove outside so, when my mom baked bread it would not make the house uncomfortably hot. There was no television. We created our own amusement. Music coming from a small transistor radio which my brothers hooked a ground wire to was our entertainment. It gave us access to 630 CHED, a local radio station 24/7. my brothers enjoyed reading comic books, and would trade with the neighborhood children.
In the afternoon my Dad would take my brothers and walk down to the lake to get water, while mom and the girls prepared dinner. Dad fashioned an apparatus out of wood that allowed him to carry two large pails of water, one on each side. the board rested on his shoulders. We could hear their chatter getting fainter and fainter as they walked further away from the house and all that was left was silence. Their phantom laughter often hung in the air until we would hear them again in the distance upon their return as their laughter penetrated the silence.
Summers were enjoyable. Our Cree neighbour would have tea dances, lively music would emanate from their home. We were never invited because we were too young. The dancing fiddle music would last into the wee hours of the morning.
We often would make up stories in the dark about what we thought our neighbours were up to and when we got tired of them, we would make up ghost stories until we were more sleepy than scared, and then fell asleep.
Tuesday, June 16, 2020
First born of sixteen
right from the start
you’d stay like a precious memory
with all your might you fought
minutes slowly float
A strong force binds your love to us
lives on in our heart
You are home
Friday, June 12, 2020
|Chief Allan Adam 2020|
The incident occurred in Fort McMurray, Alberta. and not on the reserve. Many after seeing the casino in the background assumed it was on the reserve. That in itself is a racist assumption.
We don’t need a George Floyd in Canada, and Certainly not have it be my chief. CHARGES DROPPED
Please donate to his legal fees
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Yesterday morning, my brother, Patrick David Deranger (born 10-02,1951) passed away.
I still see him in my mind's eye a strong confident man. Interestingly, my mind goes back to our house in Fort Chip when I was a child. It is a sunny afternoon. Our house feels warm light and full of happiness. I remember one Christmas, he received a guitar, and taught himself to play.
My last few conversations with him were wonderful, tender, and caring. The last thing he said to me was: “You are so compassionate little sis; I know you really care for our family.” He was right. He saw my commitment to family.
I am really conflicted about his passing. On one hand, I know he is no longer suffering. In his later years he was not very healthy. Physically he had difficulty with his respiratory system, and mentally and emotionally he was in a struggling relationship. And through it all he remained true to his nature.
However, I still feel the pain of his passing. And I am happy he was in a peaceful and safe place before his death.
Days before his passing he was content. In text messages he stated that where he was living is peaceful. He was focusing on his recovery and gathering and picking up his scattered authentic self, his identity, and his self-worth. I believe none of his siblings knew how much assistance he needed day to day. he was a proud man, and gave everyone the impression he was doing better than he was.
He wrote to me: “I look forward to eventually independent living with a place of my own. I am single now.” He added: “Good thoughts go a long way. You love unconditionally, keep it up.”
It is satisfying to think that his last weeks were with people he felt were good people: “I am with people who have a lot of compassion and unconditional love. I am very positive and hopeful dreaming many possible things to do for the future.”
If things were different, he would still have many good years ahead. But it is not so.
He impacted many people with his positive energy, and his solemn advice, his laughter and good humour.
He was a man who could identify with “bush” life, but while he also tried to walk in the white man's world, it was conflicting for him. He questioned whether he was worthy or if he measured up. This doubt and lack of confidence was generated in residential school. He was more than that, he was Dene. It is an amazing acknowledgement to be able to speak your language, to identify with nature and animals. He was a very special and thoughtful man.
Towards the end of his life he reconciled those feelings knowing that he was special to be born an Indigenous person. He felt that his life had meaning and purpose, and he used those teachings for others who were struggling with their own worth. Residential schools caused many strong Indigenous people to question their worth and their significance as Indigenous people.
I am glad he was able to see his own worth before he passed.
Thursday, March 26, 2020
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