HOPE

A Denesuline Warrior!  

Yesterday, August 7, 2016, I received bad news.  First I heard my uncle passed at 92 years old. While I was still processing this news, I got the dreaded phone call telling me the tragic news of my older brother’s passing. He was only 58 years old. Born in Uranium City, Saskatchewan and was raised in Fort Chipewyan and Fort McMurray Alberta. He died from complications due to his injury last year and excessive drinking. The medical examiner said, that he died from complications from COPD. Since my brother was not a smoker, he indicated that it may have been duress from the forest fire in May.  

This hit me harder because Rossi's health was improving. We were very close and he had so much life to be lived yet.

I’ve had a day to process what has happened. I think I am in the anger stage of the grief spectrum.  He was too young to die, damn it! (I could hear Rossi saying here, if you want me to swear for you sis, I will – I never swear!)

If I were to be honest, I would say he died of heartbreak.  The last year of his life I saw him give up. He gave up on waiting for the type of love he deeply craved, an unconditional love, from some of his children and grandchildren, brothers and sisters.  He gave up on the travel that he yearned to do and the ‘60s car he would buy to take him on his travels.  He abandoned his plans of going travelling to Europe on a freighter and going to NASCAR races.  But when I noticed that he gave up on music, which has always lit up his life no matter what was happening, I knew he had also given up on life.

I could see it in his eyes when I last saw him just a couple of weeks ago.  The abject sadness overshadowed his smiles and laughter.  The withdrawing.  The spark he had was gone.  He was tired.  He could not fight any longer. And he simply gave up trying.

In January 2015 I wrote a blog about him after he was beaten into unconsciousness after he intervened to help a woman who was being assaulted by her boyfriend.  This act of selflessness caused him to lose some of his mobility and left him with permanent brain damage, which made him dependent on others for the first time.  I think that was the day he died, but it took his spirit longer to let go.  That is how much he craved love and he was willing to keep alive until he got it, but sadly it eluded him. 

Rossi second on the left, next to our brother Roger, I am across from Roger. 

Rossi didn’t have an easy life.  He was a product of the Indian Residential School system. He entered it when he was just 5 years old. He was haunted by the memories of what he experienced over the twelve years of his life he gave there.  For years he kept his feelings and memories hidden masked by his jokes and laughter.  Until one day he decided to go to therapy; and that is when he started drinking. Some therapists are not equipped to handle the type of trauma Rossi and other residential school survivors endured.

He was an intelligent man and knew so much about politics, genealogy, human behaviour, and music.  He loved flying so he became a pilot; it gave him a freedom he couldn’t get on the ground. And when he couldn’t do that, he loved to drive. He also had an innate ability to navigate, I think, he had a built in GPS in his DNA.  He was my compass, my navigator, when we were together I knew I would never be lost. He was also my protector. When I need him he was always there and I hope I was also there for him.

He is gone.  A deep integral part of me is also gone.  Who I was to him and who I was around him. We never had an argument, never used harsh words with one another, and never judged one another. That is not to say he didn’t have a quick temper or was moody, I just knew when to stop pushing him and leave him be.  Our familial bond is gone and I am left alone without an anchor and no navigator.  Floating and lost.

        

Ultimately, what took his life - which people often skirt and make excuses around - is ALCOHOL.  ALCOHOL killed my brother, sucked his spirit and left him empty. This is where my anger is hovering.

ALCOHOL is the reason he intervened in breaking up that fight over a year ago. The man who attacked him was drunk or on drugs. 

ALCOHOL took away his reason for living and broke a beautiful human being.

In Canada, many Indigenous people are dying an untimely death due to ALCOHOL.  We have to change the conversation we as a nation are having about why this is happening. We have to change our story and our belief. In particular, we have to change our belief that once people are adults we can’t influence them to stop drinking.    I don’t have the answer on how but I have a commitment to change that belief.

  

Rossi’s death will not be in vain.

 

I am challenging, you the reader, to do something about this too because everyone is impacted by alcohol abuse in some form or another.

There already exist, and has for over 40 years an institution in Alberta that has transformed many lives. Maybe we’ve forgotten about it. But it is there. Please have another look at Supporting Nechi Institution: Centre for Indigenous learning, the only Indigenous institute that uses culture and experiential learning as a gateway to reach the spirit of its indigenous and non-indigenous students.

Rossi was a game changer.  He over came and fought his ghosts, maybe not successfully, but they didn’t own him.  He never became bitter nor twisted. He was not an angry person; he was always a kind and gentleman and held his head high with integrity. 

May 2016, Fort McMurray, Alberta (Fire) 

Our world has loss a great human being when Rossi Samuel Deranger died, August 7^th, 2016. 

There are many other Rossis out there; maybe there is one in your family.  There is hope to help those people, and that hope is you.


My friend and writer, wrote this wonderful piece on my brother Rossi for the Fort McMurrayToday paper.  Thank you Therese.  :)  

Perspective, good or bad, Your Choice

Earlier this year, I took on a challenge to express my gratitude over the course of one hundred days.  The fact that I finished the challenge is no surprise to me because I knew I would complete it. What surprised me was how this challenge impacted and changed me.

I think you'd agree that social platforms are flooded with overwhelming negative information, drama, and not enough positive stories. We spend more time on the Internet than any previous time, this information is bound to impact us .  And it takes a concerted effort every day to see the positive impact around us because we are bombarded with so much negativity.  For example, if you read ten positive comments on your newsfeeds and one negative comment, it is the negative comment, which stands out and stays with you longer, right? 

Well, this challenge made me more aware of how I was responding to everyday situations. It provided an opportunity to challenge my thinking. Taking on the challenge flipped my thinking around because I found that the more I saw things is a positive light the more positive I became. It is not about just seeing the good but seeing what is happening through compassionate eyes. Moreover, I found myself creating more positive moments if I saw the day being overburdened with negativity.  I made a decision to see create the positive I wanted to see and to be grateful for the smallest thing.

However, I've experienced the darkest days of my life during this challenge. The death of my mother hit me especially hard. It is difficult to comprehend how someone so important in my life in no longer in my world. Then in May 2016, I watched my family and friends lose everything to a wildfire in Fort McMurray, Alberta.  

My world was changing and not everything was sunshine and roses.  The occurrence in Fort McMurray cemented how different it was going to be without my mom.  I am certain some family will be setting up home elsewhere in the Province.  No more impromptu family gatherings.  

Yet, I turned my mind and my heart to the brighter side of those darker days. It is not about forcing myself to be delusional or to be an optimist but more about seeing the good in spite of the bad. As I see it, we have a choice in how we react to situations.  You can either see the positive influences around you or you can be a victim of your circumstances. 

The power and strength are within each of us.  Create those positive moments for yourself and others around you.  Be an architect of your life, create the best life you can dream, and be thankful for each day. 

Fort McMurray on Fire!

Words can't express what it feels like to watch your hometown burn.  I watch in horror from the safety of my home in Ottawa, trying desperately to get confirmation that family and friends made it to safety. Thankfully, all family members and friends have been accounted for and are safe. They may have lost their home but they have their life. I was finally able to get some sleep late last night.

Once the reality sets in, they will have to turn their mind to the aftermath of the wildfires that have destroyed their homes, personal possessions and their lives.  I worry too that this crisis will have an everlasting mental and physical impact on them as they struggle to rebuild.

How do you get over your home where you believe is your sanctuary, is now gone.  I spoke with my sister who said, it is now sinking in that they lost everything. She said, that morning the sky was blue and it appeared to be like any normal day, but she was so wrong.  When she saw the flames behind her house she didn't have a moment to pack and left without packing.  I am sure from that moment everything was a blur.  Over 1600 homes were destroyed in the fire, and it is not over yet.  Many of my immediate family members lost everything but the clothes on their back in the fire.

I never thought I would see such devastation but I am glad there has been no reports of any fatalities. The only main road out was closed for several hours and everyone headed North. Soon they will have to head south and drive through the burnt city.  I pray that they make it.

My home town, gone!

The Province is prepared to help out in the affected areas.

How do you rebuild from this?  But knowing my family's tenacity, they will regroup and rebuild.

Fort McMurray, Alberta more than just OIL

What do you think of when you hear the name of Fort McMurray, Alberta?

Dirty oil?  Unemployment? A depressed economy? The social problems that arise from a transient population?

Not me. 

I think,  Generosity.   Hope.   Giving.    Community.

I was in Fort McMurray recently during the most difficult period of my life, to bury my mom.  It is when you find yourself being vulnerable that you recognize when people exceed your expectations. 

Fort McMurray, Alberta is a prime example of what living in a community means.

When the Nistawoyou Friendship Centre could not accommodate our request to hold my mom’s Wake, the Native Christian Fellowship Church stepped up.  It was not an easy undertaking to fit in our three-day Wake, especially with my huge family. I am not sure what was already committed but they rescheduled all the existing commitments to accommodate our needs. Thank you, my niece Connie, for all your help to secure this place. At the end of the day, it was perfect. 

And, when we could not secure a location for the feast, again, the Native Christian Fellowship stepped up and allowed us to hold our feast at their church.  Once again, commitments had to be adjusted. Not only did the pastor accommodate our request but he also didn’t charge us a fee.  All he invited was a donation.  We passed a collection basket.  It was not much, but we absolutely do appreciate the lengths they went to accommodate our requests.   My mom didn’t even belong to this church but she was known and respected by the pastor. This is what community looks like.

When we went to Printing Unlimited L.P. to have the memorial cards printed, again, to my surprise no payment was required.  Ms. Mackenzie, the Customer Service Representative, told us they do this as a service to the community … to give back.   And, you would think, since this was a free service, that the job would come after paid work, but no, that is not how it worked.  Our print job of 200 colour copies was actually rushed ahead of paid jobs!  Also, it was printed on hard stock paper and beautifully laid out.

On Ms. Mackenzie’s business card it says “See Why Quality Makes a Difference”. Thank you to Printing Unlimited for quality “community” service.

Even in a down-spiraling economy, businesses in Fort McMurray still have enough consideration in them to give back to the community.  At the end of the day, this community is not defined by dirty oil or the uncertain economic times, but by the people whose hearts are big enough to show compassion and respect to those who are coping with grief. 

I am proud to say that I am from Fort McMurray, Alberta.  On behalf of the entire Deranger family, please accept our heartfelt thank you to the businesses of Fort McMurray who made this process easier, including the hotels, Anderson Robert Funeral Services, Caribou Flowers, Printing Unlimited, Native Christian Fellowship, and especially the nurses at the Extended Care, Northern Lights Regional Health Centre who looked after Mama in her final years on this earth. 

Thank you! 

In Everything there is Something Good

On January 15, 2016, I challenged myself to write about being grateful over 100 days.  

The quickest way to be happy is to choose what you already have - Werner Erhard 

Day 29

This morning I woke up for the first time in my life without my mom.  I am grateful to read all the status updates and pictures of her on my facebook newsfeed.  Our journey together has changed but has not ended. Today, I start a new chapter in this journey. 

It is a new beginning. My love for you, mama, has no ending. 

Day 30 

I am thankful for the love and support of everyone near and far, family and friends who called me to check up on me. 

My mind has been preoccupied with all the wonderful things mama means to me. It gives me joy to think about her and as I think about her, I can see her smiling and feel the last kiss she gave me.   

Today and forever she fills my heart with love. 

Day 31

I am grateful to be alive and to see things in perspective.  The most important thing for me to do is to be authentic.  To show my emotions and to allow the process to take its course.   

Day 32

I am grateful to spent time with this beautiful angel.  She is filled with joy and spreads happiness to everyone she meets.   Seeing life through the eyes of a baby has its rewards like being present and appreciating what we have.  

Day 33 

I am grateful that my family did their part to ensure that my mom had a respectful service on February 18th, 2016.  I am thankful for the strength to be able to give the elegy without breaking down.  Thank you to all the people who made this happen.   

Day 34

I am grateful to be home safe and sound.  I came home thinking there would be at least 50 centimetres of snow on my sidewalk, but instead it was all cleared.  Thank you to the person who was so thoughtful, I appreciated it.  :)