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Illness affect more than just the person diagnosed; it will impact everybody in the household because all family members are integral to the family unit. Recently I spent a few weeks at a rehabilitation hospital after suffering a stroke. I am normally a pretty private person, the and writing a blog this personal is unusual for me.
However, I think this subject is very important and maybe by writing and sharing my experience, this might benefit others. The incident
left me with left side inattentiveness, or neglect; which basically means my
brain has decided not to pay attention to the things on my left side. Effectively
rendering me partially blind in my left eye. This is an interesting and complex problem. I can still see, but my brain needs prompting, to wake up!
And, on top if that, shortly after being
admitted to the hospital, I noticed that my right eye was not seeing properly. I
have had a few weeks now to process what has happened, and also to implement
some adaptation techniques to deal with my deficits given to me by my therapist
at the hospital.
When I first arrived on the ward I felt strange
and out of place. However, the very first doctor I met quickly put me at ease. One
of the first things that he addressed was my concern with my right eye. My complaints about my vision in the previous
hospital were ignored, but he seemed to think it was serious enough that he immediately
contacted a specialist at the Eye Institute and within an hour I had an
appointment there. I got the feeling that this was a doctor that meant business, he acted quickly and efficiently, A type of doctor you want on your case.
His swift reaction to my concern gave me full
and immediate confidence that I was going to be taken well cared for. I was also impressed with his curiosity to investigate the problem. I started to comprehend what had happened to
me, although I did not yet fully
understand the extent of the deficits and whether or not they will be
permanent. Everything seemed to be
happening in slow motion. I am a person who is very patient, but I am also
fiercely independent and quite stubborn. These personality traits have served
me quite well in overcoming obstacles throughout my life. I Am hoping these traits will also help me here
as well.
However,
dealing with a stroke, which happened during heart surgery is a challenge that
is entirely new to me and I am only now able to appreciate how this has changed
my life. For example, before this happened I was fiercely independent., Now I am unable to drive and have to be dependent on others to drive me to my appointments. To begin with, Being in the rehabilitation hospital
for several weeks has given me plenty of time to read, even with these new challenges and sort through my
feelings regarding what has happened to me. Interestingly, I am on the whole dealing with
this fairly well, I think. I credit my years studying and practicing Buddhist philosophy
and meditation with keeping me emotionally and mentally stable and upbeat.
Another one
of my characteristics is that I am not impulsive and I don't over react to anything but will take time to assess the situation and to try to fully understand it. I am
of the opinion that we always have some control over our situation, but not
always and not on everything. But we do have some measure of control
over how we react to situations. This I picked up from reading Dr.Victor Frankl's book Mans search for Happiness. an amazing book!
The first few days at the hospital all I did was observe the patients, the staff nurses and the doctors on how they related to the patients on the ward. To be sure, this is a different world for me and I am aware this will be a long journey.
The first few days at the hospital all I did was observe the patients, the staff nurses and the doctors on how they related to the patients on the ward. To be sure, this is a different world for me and I am aware this will be a long journey.
All my life
I have been pretty good at assessing what I could and could not accomplish. I
do what I can and if I can’t do something I will find ways around it. For
example, when I was young I enjoyed watching the other students play baseball.
One day, the captain asked if I wanted to join. It was at the beginning of the game
when the captains were picking their team members. as I stood in line, for a brief
second and I was scared. I was scared that I would be the last child standing. And would not be would not be picked
by either of them. Because of a childhood ailment I couldn’t runwell.
But then, I was actually the first
person picked! Grinning, I asked her
why she picked me. She said that she noticed that I had a good strong arm and I
would be an asset to the team. She
added: “So do you want to be on my team?”
I answered: “Only if you would run for me.” She said, “as long as you hit the ball far
and I can get home.” That was our deal.
I would bat hard and far and she would run quickly around the bases. She got home many times. Perhaps that’s not
conventional but it made the games fun for me and I was part of the team! Maybe I was the first designated hitter!
I had
learned early on that there is really nothing that one can’t do as long as they
were open to look outside the box for a solution. In my particular situation I am faced with
currently, I need to really understand what has happened and how my brain is
responding to it. Moreover I Need to investigate what I should be doing to help
my brain improve. It will not serve me to
feel sorry for myself or to get into a funk I need to be able to think clearly
about alternatives and adapt to my new situation. In life, you will find yourself in situations
that are not of your control, but it is always in your control to respond in a
way that will actually make your situation better.
My weeks in
a rehabilitation hospital have taught me one thing and that is my situation
could have been far worse than it is. Knowing that, I am looking at what I am
able to do to make my situation better not worse. I am determined to not have
my stroke identify who I am just as I worked hard to not have my childhood
limitations define who I am. I don’t
waste a lot of time looking at what I am not able to do. And I don’t
spend my time thinking about what I was able to do before it happened.
A few years
ago, my brother had a brain injury and I spent some time researching brain
injuries and I’ve come to believe that certain activities can improve or create new neurological pathways that can assist and improve the
brain. This area has real interest to me
since reading books authored by Dr. Oliver Sacks. Science has come a long way
in how they view the brain’s plasticity. A few
years ago the conventional belief was that the brain, and in fact the entire
nervous system, could not be changed or repaired. That thinking has since changed. I t may take time but with hard work, I believe you can improve your situation.
In addition it is amazing,
how a positive attitude can make things
better. It may not change the situation,
but it will help you cope with your new circumstances. Our attitude will do one of two things: it will either make you feel better or it will
make you feel upset or depressed or hopeless.
Only you can decide which of the
two emotions you would like to feel. I for the most part don’t like to feel down and
upset because it serves no purpose. I make a choice to look at the bright side or look for ways to improve
my situation.
An
important component in overcoming a new medical challenge is having someone who
takes an interest in you. Another doctor at the hospital made me feel as
though I mattered. To him I was more than the stroke in room 420! Every morning before his rounds, he would
stop at my room to chat with me for a
few minutes. I am certain he didn’t know
how much those few minutes meant to me and that I looked forward everyday to
talking with him. It was not only
doctors who made an effort to relate to me as a human, but there were
nurses and therapists too who showed compassion and caring when interacting
with me. A smile and laughter goes a
long way in transforming any institution into a healing environment. And I am thankful for those moments of
levity and caring from the staff on the ward because they made a big difference in my attitude
and state of being.
I don’t know
what the future will bring. However I cannot compare who I am today with how I
was yesterday. The only thing I can do is
enjoy each moment because all I really have is this moment. The past no
longer exists, and the future has not happened yet. That too is a bit Buddhist wisdom. I am not saying that I don’t get frustrated,
because I do. But I am determined to
shape my relationship with this stroke on my own terms by being fully
present. As it turns out with left side neglect
I have to force my brain to be more aware of what is happening to my left side
in order to avoid injuring myself. Or to find things.
So, if taking
this extra care means I-will be more present, that is not such a bad thing. It
could have been worse. I am able to
walk, talk, read (with some extra difficulty) and do many of the same things I
have always enjoyed, just maybe with more concerted focus and
attentiveness. That is not a bad thing,
in my humble opinion.
The stroke
has not taken my identity away. I am still me. I will
still be able to work, although an extra level of care will be necessary. I have also been fortunate that I have my
husband and my son and friends who stopped in for a visit who have been an
amazing help to me through this period.
https://anamelikian.com/mans_search_for_meaning_by_viktor_frankl/http://www.fablar.in/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/Mans_Search_for_Meaning.78114942.pdf
