Thursday, October 16, 2008

I've finally got it!


It took almost ten long years. I kept hoping one day, one day, and maybe this day, but it never happened. I imagined scenarios in my head about how it might happen, and how grateful and how happy I would feel when it happened. I'd have conversations in my head about it too (All this is not very Buddhist like). But it never happened. My friends all said to me, that I should forget about it, not my loss.  I'd say, you're right and yes I can move on. But, in my heart I could not let it go. As the years unfolded I thought less and less about it, but I never forgot and still held on to the fact that one day things would be different.

I was listening to Buddhist monk Ajahn Brahm talk on attachments, and wham, I got it!

This is a sad story about friendship. I had a best-friend who I thought would be my BFF, but one day she decided our friendship was over. She stopped all contact with me. It was only after I sent her a letter requesting an explanation about why she was not returning my calls, (before e-mail) that she called to tell me that it was because of my continued association with her ex husband. She didn't say this, but I think she felt I betrayed her by staying friends with him and his wife to be at the time (now divorced from her too). She said she wanted to leave her life with her ex in her past, and did not want anyone from that period in her present life (very Buddhist like leaving the past behind). She evidently felt very strongly about her decision because that was the last I heard from her. Her absence left a void in my life, we were once very close friends since university and shared many secrets, laughs, and dreams over many pots of tea.

What helped me come to terms with the situation recently was after listening to Ajahn's talk on attachments, it dawned on me that my attachment to my friend created an unfulfilled expectation. What I created in my mind was the story about the incident, and through the retelling of the story it kept the painful lost of a friendship alive. Once, I realized that and let go of my attachment to the story of my loss friendship, I was free. I no longer have an expectation that she would contact me, and I'm good with that. Whew!

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