You know it is really, really, really, cold when…1. You are nothing like your former conscientious, politically correct, self.
2. you bundle up wearing anything made of wool, not a care if someone sees you (besides you’re unrecognizable bundled head to toe).
3. You wear a hat, no worries about hat hair (you keep the hat on in the office)
4. you open the front door; the air is nothing but a sheet of ice and you have to blow torch your way through to get to your car
5. your thoughts freeze before you had a chance to change your mind
6. you wear your mom’s old mink, (if someone throws paint on it, you think, great! a layer of paint should keep me warmer, thank you PETA)
7. your car does not start and it is parked in an indoor garage
8. you hug yourself to keep warm, but, because you have no sensations in your hands it feels like someone is hugging you (hmmm, you enjoy it because you have no oxygen in your brain!)
9. you disregard personal space and stand really, really, close to strangers for their body heat
10. all best intentions regarding your carbon footprint is exchanged for making an agreement with yourself to not use air conditioning this summer, in exchange for, keeping the car running, house thermometer set on high, all the electric heaters blowing full blast, taking many long hot baths, logs burning in the fireplace non stop, you do laundry for the extra heat generated by the dryer…
Essentially, you undo a year of energy conservation in one -30, freaking bitter cold week!
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