Almost a month since my mom passed and I miss her so dearly. I decided to post the elegy I gave at her funeral to remind me of what an awesome human being she was to me.
Elegy for Therese (Adam) Deranger
May 08, 1919- February 12, 2016
February 13, 2016 we woke up to a new reality, one without the matriarch of the Deranger family, Therese Deranger.
My life is changed.
Our life as a family is forever changed.
Years ago, I changed my story about Mama. I choose to accept her as who she was rather than who I thought she should be. In doing that I recognised she gave me everything she had.
I really got that she held nothing back!
She gave me what her mom gave her, how she was raised. Her mom gave her everything she had and she held nothing back. As a parent, I give all I have, and I hold nothing back. I understood she was standing for being the best mom she could be.
I choose to love her unconditionally. I did this and she didn’t have to do anything. She didn’t have to change. I got her for who she was!
Imagine giving all you got and not holding anything back. Imagine, giving all you have to 16 children and numerous grandchildren who all have different expectations of how you should be as their mom or grandmother. Now imagine, raising them to adulthood in spite of the poverty and hardships. She did this for us. She did this because she loved us.
And my sisters and the women in our family, it is because of her we are are strong, stubborn and a powerhouse.
I got she had unlimited love for all of us. In fact, I saw, that her capacity for loving us was vast.
|Andrew (youngest grandchild) and mama sharing a joke!|
I get Mama was only human. She was not perfect. She was both hard and soft. She was incredibly demanding and stubborn. Sometimes more controlling than we’d like. But she was also generous, caring, funny and loving.
In turn, I stood for being the best daughter I could be for her. I loved her unconditionally. Each time I thought of her, my heart would fill with pure joy and love for her. I can honestly say, I’ve had an extraordinary relationship with Mama. But most of all I had compassion and empathy for her. I saw everything she did as an act of love for us, her children.
Remember her smile, her eyes, her love, and all the good she did. Carry that in your heart when you feel it breaking. You have the power to accept the person who is your parent as a human being, with faults as well as with better qualities. If you are holding on to any anger or resentment, maybe it is time to let it go. Maybe it is time to change your story.
If you’re not ready, that is OK, too. We each have our own journey. I hope you will come to the same understanding of her that I did, in your own way and in your own time. Think of what you give your children, you’re giving them all you have and you don’t hold anything back, do you? She did that for you, as her mom did for her.
She will live on in each of us. We are her legacy as we live our life and teach our children and grandchildren the way she taught us.
The matriarch of our family, Mama, has transformed into our spirit guide and has joined our ancestors. I celebrate her life on earth.
I will Love you Mama for eternity and then some!